Posted by Brad J. Ward | Posted in Higher Education, Marketing, Recruitment, Web | Posted on 02-19-2008
I just got an email forwarded to me from someone on campus who says that some information on our site is “just plain wrong”. The person who forwarded it asked the original writer to “please share with me how the information should read on this page – gearing the description to the audience of 18 year old prospective students?”
Here’s the current text to describe a center on campus:
This outreach program places students in internships and volunteer jobs for community service, including mentoring programs for math, language, science, music, visual arts, drama and dance skills.
And this is the text that the person sent us:
This office in Academic Affairs serves to engage Butler with the surrounding communities. The (Center) builds collaborative connections with community partners and is committed to enriching student education through developing service-learning courses and experiential education opportunities. The (Center) also coordinates internships and programming with community-based organizations.
Collaborative. Enriching. Experiential. Fluff. What 17-18 year old is going to read that and get excited? Internships, volunteer jobs, mentoring, that’s what they want to read. Those are the words they want to see. And they don’t want to dig to find them.